Orcmid's Lair

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Welcome to Orcmid's Lair, the playground for family connections, pastimes, and scholarly vocation -- the collected professional and recreational work of Dennis E. Hamilton Archives Atom Feed Associated Blogs Edge City Numbering Peano Praxis101 Prof. von Clueless in the Blunder Dome Recent Items Framing the World: Social Engineering the Conventi... OOX: ISO 5–month Ballot Period Ends September 2, 2... Freedom Is Not License — Stop Cyberbullying Day: M... When Your Team Owns the Business Marquee de Sells:... Is “Digital Identity” a Misleading Notion? The oth... John Backus: December 3, 1924 – March 17, 2007 I j... Herding OOXen Doug Mahugh was the semi-official ph... OOX-ODF: Why Have Peace When You Can Have War? In ... OOX-ODF: Taming the Guerilla Bob Sutor just linked... A World of Identity No, Internet Identity is not ...	2007-04-05 Recognizing the Perspective of Others: Ask for Their Story J.D. Meier's Blog : What's Their Story?. “What the experts do is they swap stories. The trick is separating fact from fiction. First, they share the facts they know. The more objective or verifiable the facts are, the better. The facts help build common ground. Next, they share their interpretation of those facts. This is their story. Then they ask the other person for their version of the story. “It's a simple technique, but I'm finding swapping stories is very revealing. Sometimes I'm surprised by my own interpretation of the facts. Other times, I'm surprised by another person's interpretation of the facts. Either way, I consistently find that a thoughtful response is better than an emotional reaction.” It is so easy to imagine a story and then believe it as if it is the objective truth. This common human frailty is particularly tempting for me in the face of confusion and heated disagreement. I suppose it is one of those survival features that are unhelpful in situations where common purpose and a basis for agreement are essential to uncovering a powerful outcome. J. D. Meiers provides such a crisp and straightforward recipe against this self-defeating and toxic behavior around our own story blindness that it is difficult not to quote the entire post (though I didn’t, so go look). This won’t help if you are committed to being right about your story. It comes down to what you are committed to and what your intentions really are. My friend Bill Anderson observed in a buddy call, just the other day, that genuine, serious listening, in a calm and open manner, is threatening. We have to give up our attachment to the story we’ve constructed and be prepared to learn things we didn’t appreciate or even recognize. We have to be willing to discover that we are mistaken. Most of all, we have to honor the humanity of the other and thereby accept our own. I love Meier’s prescription for how we can practice this. It does not require us to agree with or adopt the others perspective. It allows us to appreciate the other perspective and find any common ground. There is no assured outcome, and we must be willing to risk. It comes down to the strength of our commitment. My tip: Before you engage with others, ask yourself what you are committed to as a mutually-beneficial result. Be generous with others and yourself. Keep the commitment in mind every step of the way, and recommit whenever you feel yourself slipping down a familiar rat hole. That’s my story. I think I’ll stick to it. What’s your story? Tags: orcmid, J.D.+Meier, Civility, civil+discourse, commitment posted by orcmid at 4/05/2007 08:33:00 AM *Comments:* Post a Comment